Still There

Judy and I are having better sex and more often, and that in part is due to my having made love to Sarah. She reminds me of what I love in my wife, and I'm in love with her independently of that as well. I really think Sarah would like us to be one big family and to share living and loving, and even though she sees Judy more like a sister, them being sister wives makes sense because they can work well together and cover each other's slack, and help each other with life in general. I'd love it if they were lovers a little as well independent of me. They love each other, so being intimate with each other would give them a connection aspect that would do them both wonders. We all fit together, and we all belong together. Chris is never going to treat her better or be what she needs a man to be for her girls, and Judy being there would make having four girls so much easier, that all of what I've been saying just makes sense.
And me, I'm so sexual I could make love to them both three times a day each and still want to go again. I had a passing thought that they'd have a conversation one day about my being horny and them both knowing it and debating who sleeps with me that night and making deals to keep me in check with sex or chores.
I'm ion love with my wife, and in love with Sarah, and even more in love with wanting them both to be my partners and us all sharing life and love somewhere away from this shit that is Jacksonville. Judy really isn't that jealous like Sarah thinks, she and I discuss women, how they look, and all, and Judy even can recognize what kind of woman I'd like just as much as I can tell if I could love a woman at first sight, or how she can sum up a guy in a glance and be 90% right. She knows I love Sarah and accepts it, and if Sarah was just flat out honest about how she feels about me and asked Judy if she'd share me I'd bet she give a quick yes because it would take some of the pressures off of her and I think she knows that when I am happy I'm up for giving more and better of myself in just about every aspect.
I could see Sarah opening up and just telling Judy that she loves her and loves their friendship and has to admit to her that she is attracted to me and loves me and would like to share me and have me every once in a while, and loves me for most of the same reasons Judy does, and I am pretty sure Judy would take a day or so to digest it and then work out some sort of Skot sharing arrangement and terms.
If Sarah said to Judy that she wanted for her and the girls to move in and to share me every once in a while, that she respected Judy and our marriage and their friendship so that Judy had the last word on when, where, and how we would be together, and that she agreed that I had some valid points about how and why we should all be together, Judy would be happy with it because I really believe Judy knows I'm right. She has no comebacks for the points I've made, and she knows that I'm going to feel like I feel no matter what. She thinks that Sarah doesn't want me because Sarah puts on a front that she's not interested, when with her zoned and a little sick and me sick we had amazing sex. I told Sarah today that if she and I made love with us both feeling good it would be amazing, and I know Sarah likes pussy maybe not as much as dick, but she likes it and Judy is sexy, and if they shared me there would be some erotic between them, more than likely with me being with them both to make it okay. It's like how I am about men. I don't want to sleep with a guy, but if there is a girl and a guy then letting loos a little can be great if you see it as three people making love together and not two men and a woman or two women and a man. Just as long as no one tries to put a dick in my ass I'm fine.
I think most girls feel that way about their asses as well. And Sarah and Judy both like being eaten with a finger or two on that Gspot. They are the same in so many ways and unique in ways that make things interesting and fresh, and what it brings out in me is a better me than I have been able to summon in a long time.
Besides, I love the idea of being a good male role model for the girls and Judy loves the girls as well. Sarah balances us and we balance her and there is a security in us all being together. Good and real friends, ones willing to accept each other for their humanity and shortcomings and love them anyway, are really, really rare, and I know in the depths of my soul that we all belong together more than I've known anything about any relationship I've ever had.
And it was funny today, Sarah came over when I was getting out of the bath and I was making jokes about a bathtub built for three and asked the girls when they last time they had a nice bath with a good man was. Sarah almost blushed, and I could see she remembered how nice that was. I wanted to do that with Judy as well, and also want them both in a bath with me. In fact, I want to have them both naked, feed them tasty snacks and make them mixed drinks, massage them and pamper them, then be their sex slave, together. I think Judy would like to watch me make love to Sarah, because I'd have to look at my wife and let her know how much more I'd love her for giving me what I want and feel I deserve.
And I think Sarah would like watching me with Judy, that she would get turned on by it and I think us three as one love would bring out the best in each of us, and give us the drive to be better to each other and ourselves. It has to start with Sarah and Judy opening up and talking, and with Sarah being honest with herself and Judy enough to just tell her how she feels, and Judy still never needs to know about Sarah and I already having been together, because it really wasn't a betrayal. We all have the right to step away from our lives and commitments when we have to to keep our sanity or be fulfilled by desire when we need that. That is why I think Judy needs a night with some young cute guy, to go relive a little of her wilder youth and remember that part of herself, so it can awaken and then she can access it and share it with me.
Judy is just too hung up, and Sarah and her are both depressed so much, that love freely flowing and relied upon shared by us three would fix those broken things we otherwise never will. It is like a fountain of strength and happiness that can we can find happiness in.
I'd even, after a time and if it looks permanent, to have a private ceremony between us three where Judy and I together add Sarah to our marriage. I don't want to be married to two women, I want my marriage with my wife to marry and include Sarah and our family to marry her family, which doesn't mean Chris, because you have to be there for real to be a father. To me, she is a single mom living with a sponging ex who abuses her and neglects his kids. I want to kick his ass.
And I'd love them both to find a level of sexuality and intimacy between them that isn't some perverted lesbian thing, but for us all to be more physical with each other on a level when touch is given for connection and healing and as an expression of the good feelings we have for each other. I don't want a dick sucked/pussy eaten priority sexuality between us, I want a romantic intimacy and companionship where sex is just as important and no more important than hugs or kisses hello or goodbye. I want it to be the comforting contact and sharing that I think it is meant to be.
Maybe I am a reincarnated Bonobo. Maybe the Hindus are right and that was in my past manifestation... But I would love to be the meat in their sandwich, and to see them start living and loving and allowing no restrictions on what we all share with each other. They don't need to see each other as sisters that way, or to think that it is part of some lesbian experience, but that they recognize what they feel for each other and just share the enjoyment of touch and sensations of intimacy that allow friendships to phase in and out of romantic and erotic fulfillment without it hurting their friendships, in fact making their friendships stronger because they have allowed themselves to express love in the most passionate and pleasurable way possible. I want the love between us all to be so binding that we all find real peace and rest by wanting to be touching each other as we sleep.
We all have our problems, and we all need to just team up and help each other being more concerned about each other than ourselves, in that way, with that same thing being reflected back, having not one but two people to rely upon and be there and give us love that is real and true.
It's funny, because the two of them together would also mean they could team up on me where I have to do more chores or work or be accountable for things, but even the negative aspects of that I welcome, because the challenges of it all will make me work harder to be better, and feel like there is some reward for all I do. I heard a song that fits how I feel, and applied to this aspect, if they both knew what was in my heart and mind I think they'd be overwhelmed by the love and understanding in both.

Artist: Justin Townes Earle
Song: Mama's Eyes
Album: Midnight at the Movies

I am my father's son
I've never known when to shut up
I ain't fooling no one
I am my father's son
we don't see eye to eye
and I'll be the first to admit Ive never tried
it sure hurts me, it should hurt sometime
we don't see eye to eye
I was a young man when

I went down the same road as my old man
I was younger then
now its three am and I'm standing in the kitchen
holding my last cigarette
strike a match and I see my reflection in the mirror in the hall
and I say to myself
I've got my mama's eyes
her long thin frame and her smile
and I still see wrong from right
cuz I've got my mama's eyes
yea I've got my mama's eyes
*************************************************
It fits except for the thin frame thing, and I have a different road than my father, but I do have many of his values about right and wrong and keeping it all inside and having to be strong and show no weakness. Well, they both can see when I'm hurt, tired, or weak, and they both get concerned and want to make it better for me, to mother me, and that is a wife thing, woman thing. I want to be that strong man that melts and gets healed by the women he loves, and provide and protect for them. I can't do it here anymore. I don't want trapped in some pointless labor job that will take me nowhere, and hate the people here, and with a new start I think we'd all be motivated to make it all work as it should. We'd need to isolate ourselves a little, until we got a functioning home, then I think life would be rewarding and full of happiness like none of us have ever known, and our kids would all do so much better as well.
But enough for now. Judy I love you, and Sarah I love you as well, but I love being a father and living in erotic and romantic tenderness and companionship, and think this is our best shot at living a dream. can you silly bitched hear me...

I love The Indigo Girls, and just heard Hammer and Nail on the radio....


clearing webs from the hovel
a blistered hand on the handle of a shovel
i've been digging too deep
i always do
i see my face on the surface
i look a lot like narcissus
a dark abyss of an emptiness
standing on the edge of a drowning blue

i look behind my ears for the green
and even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
i gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose

i had a lot of good intentions
sit around for fifty years
and then collect a pension
started seeing the road to hell
and just where it starts
but my life is more than a vision
the sweetest part is acting
after making a decision
started seeing the whole
as a sum of its parts

and i look behind my ears for the green
and even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose

my life is part of the global life
i'd found myself becoming more immobile
when i'd think a little girl in the world
can't do anything
a distant nation my community
and a street person my responsibility
if i have a care in the world
i have a gift to bring

i look behind my ears for the green
even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
i gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose

Bruce Springsteen:
Tomorrow Never Knows lyrics

Where the cold wind blows
Tomorrow never knows
Where your sweet smile goes
Tomorrow never knows
You and me we've been standing in my den
Waiting for that time to come
Where the green grass grows
Tomorrow never knows
In the field your long hair flows
Down by the tail end of the tracks
Beneath the water tower
I carried you on my back
Over the rusted spikes of that highway of steel
When no more thunder sounds
Where the time goes
Tomorrow never knows &
Where he who waits for the day's riches will be lost
In the whispery town
Where the river flows
Tomorrow Never Knows

If these two beautiful women could understand what I'm saying, in my words and in these lyrics, man life would be just so amazing......