Sarah has been scarce lately, sadly, but when I look at her there is so much in how we look at each other. No way she can deny it, and no way I can hide it. Even Patty said she saw it and knew or felt there was something between us. It comes off in waves, a look of love. When Sarah looks at me I can see how she feels. I just wish she would come off of it and come clean with how she feels to Judy, and I think if she did Judy would come off of her shit as well.
These two need to share me, and we need to all share each other and raise our kids together under one roof somewhere. But so much needs to be fixed first, most of which money could solve. My hero complex kicking in again....
We all need a fresh start away from Jacksonville and the things that steal our lives from us. That will come, and when it does I am ready to embrace it.
We all have a lot to fix, and things will get fixed easier if we are honest and help each other. Sarah tries to float her sinking ship, which is a bad marriage to a user who puts himself first and doesn't deserve the kids he has, and who is a junkie. Sarah runs to her escapes and does whatever it takes justifying her acts however, trying to make good what is bad and keep her world from getting worse or falling apart, and needs to just grow a spine and take a stand.
Judy needs to get off her ass and take charge of her life and contribute without her pity pot or thinking she's owed anything, and I need to get out of my funk, because I feel like an unappreciated source of making for sponges who take and expect and give me so little back of what I need or want, and need to be able to turn a key without fear. Fear can be debilitating.
But we all have what the other lacks and needs, and if we work together we can fix most of what is going wrong and that good will make more good follow.
I guess it is just a waiting game to see how it all unfolds. My approach would be to make a pack, make a plan, and execute it and work at it until it happens. Sarah and Judy just seem to be floating more, and that makes me float along with them. Damn it nobody listens to me.
Such is life I guess.