So many things I want to say, so much I want changes and to change, and my hands are tied. Judy lets this place go to hell, and it really has effected me through the years. It is depressing. When she is functioning life is acceptable, and sometimes even happy, but she doesn't take care of anything or take initiative to get things done. Sarah is the same way, it taking DCF to show up to get her house done, but she gets depressed over Chris like I do over Judy. Then when Judy says shit like Sarah doesn't want me or thinks I'm not attractive I have to laugh, because she she didn't seem that way when her body yielded underneath mine or she came with my tongue down on her. She wants me but wants to see Judy and I work it all out, and also hopes Chris will grow up and keep a job and do right, and she doesn't want Judy thinking bad of her or to know we slept together, and I understand all of that, but she should at least tell Judy how she feels, that she'd like to share me, and that she'd join us both in bed in a heartbeat. If I had the means, that's how it would be.
But Judy lets any little thing knock her down, and you can see where Alex gets his "duck the easy stuff" from. Most of the arguments are over them not doing what they should be, and it has destroyed me, almost to the point where I don't function any more.
All I know is with everything, like the problems with Sarge, no work out there, Alex and school and my ordering him to do work and Judy just sitting on her ass as he falls further behind, blaming all the schools for his failures, well, I am sick of it all, and we need a change, and I don't want to move our problems with us, so my thoughts of what is good about adding Sarah to us under one roof makes even more sense, because her kids, where they are, will always be at risk because Chris is such a drain on everyone and contributes nothing to anyone. Judy and Sarah balance each other out, and with me as pill cop and head of the house it would work better for everyone. It's just a waiting game at this point.