I went off last night a little because the kitchen was completely trashed. Food left out, uncovered leftovers in the fridge, waiting to become chicken food or doggie treats, and a nasty floor to walk on, and stain encrusted stove.... more like a big white roach hotel, roaches check in, then they run the joint....
I DO NOT live like this! I refuse! I bitch about it and Judy gets an attitude that I complain, but what the hell! And she wonders why I have started to shut down more. I covered her slack for a long time, but they would create more of a mess than I was able to clean every day, and Judy, on the couch with a blind eye, let Alex tear up so much shit of mine it isn't funny, then she makes excuses for it!
Judy has the nerve to call Sarah lazy, which she is, and I know even I have become lazy, but only because it is frustrating to clean or fix something then have it trashed moments later.
I feel like I'm in Evan Almighty when he tries to shave the beard... he cuts whiskers away and as soon as he looks away for a second they're back.
And yesterday Judy mentioned to Steph that the men around here, meaning Chris and Wanda's Larry, are sick control freaks. She can't place me in that, because the only thing I do really bitch about is the things that should be done not getting done. I give a wide berth otherwise. In fact, I wish my wife was more outgoing and independent, as long as the shit that it is her responsibility to get done gets done, and not even all of it, just the basics..... I just want basics!
Try to find a man that would be happy for his wife to find her a boy toy or think it would be healthy if she had a passing fancy to experience it. As long as she remembers who she's married to, and is safe, there is a benefit there because you're not denying the one you love something they fantasize about, so with you they get to be free and fulfilled, instead of confined and restricted and "owned". Humans are not designed for monogamy, but we are possessive when we are insecure. We have to own and control everything around us out of fear, fix it into a stationary state, and get upset at change, when change is the very nature of all life.
This I do not understand. I can grasp it, but I can't see it as valid despite how I have tried to fit in and conform.
Western society is a matrix and web of restrictions and rules and false standards and as a result a society of too many laws, technical crimes, betrayals, and perversions. Loyalty and compassion and empathy are the real building blocks of a healthy society. It is frustrating, like living in an alien world, to believe in those things and live in this society and culture. truth and honor are not subjective concepts nor can they be applied in that manner.
So I am honest about how I feel and what I want, and at least Judy understand that. Sarah loves me, and likes the idea of one big bed for Judy and I and her, and desires me, but is afraid that her real feelings will hurt the friendship she and Judy have, so she plays a cover-up game, and Judy does the same thing over different stuff....
But if Judy and Sarah shared one roof, even without me, they both would do better and be better, and if they let some tenderness and passion on physical terms flow when it wanted to and was proper, would be so much less stressed out in their lives. They really do compliment each other, and can fix each other in ways I even can't. But with me in the middle, loving them and giving them much of what they need out of a man, and being allowed to be a traditional strong handed man and father figure, they would both do so well they would eventually run circles around me.
I'm sorry but drama, problems, pills and shopping are not the root foundations of a healthy life. We need, all of us, so much more. besides, their way is NOT working for either one of them. They at least need to capitulate enough to just try my way for a while somewhere down the line. Once we get clear of this house Sarah just needs to come with us. Judy would like it if Sarah moved in, but she isn't a big fan of the relationships I want yet, and that is because she still sees with jealous and possessive eyes. thing is, my way, she gets to have a stronger bond and basis of a friendship with Sarah, and gets me happier and more motivated and complete, which means she gets me on better terms than she ever would otherwise, making our love stronger and more romantic. In one hour she will have been on the couch for 12 hours, or half a day. I want her to have a rewarding life where she sleeps maybe 8 hours and is so excited by living and doing that she can't wait to get up and start her day.
You can't lay around all day long and expect your body to work like it is supposed to. I have pain that I just work through, and the more I ignore it the less it actually bothers me. I have this added weight from depression and a change in life resulting from living with a couch person. I used to go dancing all the time. Now I am so driven down that I can't stand it.
So we all need to help and fix each other, and it is like a soapbox mantra, but it is the truth.
truths have a way of seeing light after a long night.