Amanda had labor induced, although I wish I could have done a natural inducement for her, and had her baby girl 18 hours ago about 6 in the morning. I'm painting her place, just painted the floor (it's concrete). And have to fix the thin pink she painted on the bedroom walls. She's prone to depression, and is already turned off to men for relationships, mostly due to Josh, the asshole sperm donor. She has false hope in him, and she's above that, and I can see how women get a tainted view of us guys with the bad selection so prominent in the South.
I think I'm more in love with being a father than anything else, and would love to go tribal and be the male element in a communal extended family of these beautiful women I love. I know what I like in a woman, and see so much of what I like and love in Judy and Sarah and Amanda. If I could get them to accept the notion of sharing a decent guy, man we could all have a great life together.
I know it isn't traditional in the least, but when I see Sarah with her beautiful girls and Chris, who is such an asshole who places drugs before his family and treats Sarah like shit, or Josh, who is selfish and self-centered and can't see that wonderful woman he has, and see her slip into depression because she gives so much and gets so little back, I want to step in and fill that role, and the weird thing is I want Judy to share it with me, being the matriarch and lady sage to them.
Thing is getting Judy to see how that would benefit her, and if we can cast gender aside in the bedroom and let love and passion flow as it could, there would be wonder and glory in loving each other as friends, companions, and lovers.
Each one has elements that complete the others, and ways to take up the slack, and also inspire and motivate me to give more than I ever could without that motivation. They would all wind yup with a man who would give them love and passion and devotion, and they would have in each other sisters who are best friends who fill in the gaps they have and make life easy for each other.
Sex I could get anywhere. I could get one night stands or even be like the rest of Jacksonville and buy it, but that isn't me and never will be. So is it sex that I want, or the role of SuperDad? I think it is more being the hero, being seen by women I love and like and think deserve better and being that for them, and having the love of kids who look up to me.....
Sex would be nice, but it has to be with women I love and desire because of what they are in their hearts and minds.
Anyway, life could be better, and I have to find a way to make it what I know will be best for all of us.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Sarah has been scarce lately, sadly, but when I look at her there is so much in how we look at each other. No way she can deny it, and no way I can hide it. Even Patty said she saw it and knew or felt there was something between us. It comes off in waves, a look of love. When Sarah looks at me I can see how she feels. I just wish she would come off of it and come clean with how she feels to Judy, and I think if she did Judy would come off of her shit as well.
These two need to share me, and we need to all share each other and raise our kids together under one roof somewhere. But so much needs to be fixed first, most of which money could solve. My hero complex kicking in again....
We all need a fresh start away from Jacksonville and the things that steal our lives from us. That will come, and when it does I am ready to embrace it.
We all have a lot to fix, and things will get fixed easier if we are honest and help each other. Sarah tries to float her sinking ship, which is a bad marriage to a user who puts himself first and doesn't deserve the kids he has, and who is a junkie. Sarah runs to her escapes and does whatever it takes justifying her acts however, trying to make good what is bad and keep her world from getting worse or falling apart, and needs to just grow a spine and take a stand.
Judy needs to get off her ass and take charge of her life and contribute without her pity pot or thinking she's owed anything, and I need to get out of my funk, because I feel like an unappreciated source of making for sponges who take and expect and give me so little back of what I need or want, and need to be able to turn a key without fear. Fear can be debilitating.
But we all have what the other lacks and needs, and if we work together we can fix most of what is going wrong and that good will make more good follow.
I guess it is just a waiting game to see how it all unfolds. My approach would be to make a pack, make a plan, and execute it and work at it until it happens. Sarah and Judy just seem to be floating more, and that makes me float along with them. Damn it nobody listens to me.
Such is life I guess.
These two need to share me, and we need to all share each other and raise our kids together under one roof somewhere. But so much needs to be fixed first, most of which money could solve. My hero complex kicking in again....
We all need a fresh start away from Jacksonville and the things that steal our lives from us. That will come, and when it does I am ready to embrace it.
We all have a lot to fix, and things will get fixed easier if we are honest and help each other. Sarah tries to float her sinking ship, which is a bad marriage to a user who puts himself first and doesn't deserve the kids he has, and who is a junkie. Sarah runs to her escapes and does whatever it takes justifying her acts however, trying to make good what is bad and keep her world from getting worse or falling apart, and needs to just grow a spine and take a stand.
Judy needs to get off her ass and take charge of her life and contribute without her pity pot or thinking she's owed anything, and I need to get out of my funk, because I feel like an unappreciated source of making for sponges who take and expect and give me so little back of what I need or want, and need to be able to turn a key without fear. Fear can be debilitating.
But we all have what the other lacks and needs, and if we work together we can fix most of what is going wrong and that good will make more good follow.
I guess it is just a waiting game to see how it all unfolds. My approach would be to make a pack, make a plan, and execute it and work at it until it happens. Sarah and Judy just seem to be floating more, and that makes me float along with them. Damn it nobody listens to me.
Such is life I guess.
Friday, May 22, 2009
So many things I want to say, so much I want changes and to change, and my hands are tied. Judy lets this place go to hell, and it really has effected me through the years. It is depressing. When she is functioning life is acceptable, and sometimes even happy, but she doesn't take care of anything or take initiative to get things done. Sarah is the same way, it taking DCF to show up to get her house done, but she gets depressed over Chris like I do over Judy. Then when Judy says shit like Sarah doesn't want me or thinks I'm not attractive I have to laugh, because she she didn't seem that way when her body yielded underneath mine or she came with my tongue down on her. She wants me but wants to see Judy and I work it all out, and also hopes Chris will grow up and keep a job and do right, and she doesn't want Judy thinking bad of her or to know we slept together, and I understand all of that, but she should at least tell Judy how she feels, that she'd like to share me, and that she'd join us both in bed in a heartbeat. If I had the means, that's how it would be.
But Judy lets any little thing knock her down, and you can see where Alex gets his "duck the easy stuff" from. Most of the arguments are over them not doing what they should be, and it has destroyed me, almost to the point where I don't function any more.
All I know is with everything, like the problems with Sarge, no work out there, Alex and school and my ordering him to do work and Judy just sitting on her ass as he falls further behind, blaming all the schools for his failures, well, I am sick of it all, and we need a change, and I don't want to move our problems with us, so my thoughts of what is good about adding Sarah to us under one roof makes even more sense, because her kids, where they are, will always be at risk because Chris is such a drain on everyone and contributes nothing to anyone. Judy and Sarah balance each other out, and with me as pill cop and head of the house it would work better for everyone. It's just a waiting game at this point.
But Judy lets any little thing knock her down, and you can see where Alex gets his "duck the easy stuff" from. Most of the arguments are over them not doing what they should be, and it has destroyed me, almost to the point where I don't function any more.
All I know is with everything, like the problems with Sarge, no work out there, Alex and school and my ordering him to do work and Judy just sitting on her ass as he falls further behind, blaming all the schools for his failures, well, I am sick of it all, and we need a change, and I don't want to move our problems with us, so my thoughts of what is good about adding Sarah to us under one roof makes even more sense, because her kids, where they are, will always be at risk because Chris is such a drain on everyone and contributes nothing to anyone. Judy and Sarah balance each other out, and with me as pill cop and head of the house it would work better for everyone. It's just a waiting game at this point.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
I went off last night a little because the kitchen was completely trashed. Food left out, uncovered leftovers in the fridge, waiting to become chicken food or doggie treats, and a nasty floor to walk on, and stain encrusted stove.... more like a big white roach hotel, roaches check in, then they run the joint....
I DO NOT live like this! I refuse! I bitch about it and Judy gets an attitude that I complain, but what the hell! And she wonders why I have started to shut down more. I covered her slack for a long time, but they would create more of a mess than I was able to clean every day, and Judy, on the couch with a blind eye, let Alex tear up so much shit of mine it isn't funny, then she makes excuses for it!
Judy has the nerve to call Sarah lazy, which she is, and I know even I have become lazy, but only because it is frustrating to clean or fix something then have it trashed moments later.
I feel like I'm in Evan Almighty when he tries to shave the beard... he cuts whiskers away and as soon as he looks away for a second they're back.
And yesterday Judy mentioned to Steph that the men around here, meaning Chris and Wanda's Larry, are sick control freaks. She can't place me in that, because the only thing I do really bitch about is the things that should be done not getting done. I give a wide berth otherwise. In fact, I wish my wife was more outgoing and independent, as long as the shit that it is her responsibility to get done gets done, and not even all of it, just the basics..... I just want basics!
Try to find a man that would be happy for his wife to find her a boy toy or think it would be healthy if she had a passing fancy to experience it. As long as she remembers who she's married to, and is safe, there is a benefit there because you're not denying the one you love something they fantasize about, so with you they get to be free and fulfilled, instead of confined and restricted and "owned". Humans are not designed for monogamy, but we are possessive when we are insecure. We have to own and control everything around us out of fear, fix it into a stationary state, and get upset at change, when change is the very nature of all life.
This I do not understand. I can grasp it, but I can't see it as valid despite how I have tried to fit in and conform.
Western society is a matrix and web of restrictions and rules and false standards and as a result a society of too many laws, technical crimes, betrayals, and perversions. Loyalty and compassion and empathy are the real building blocks of a healthy society. It is frustrating, like living in an alien world, to believe in those things and live in this society and culture. truth and honor are not subjective concepts nor can they be applied in that manner.
So I am honest about how I feel and what I want, and at least Judy understand that. Sarah loves me, and likes the idea of one big bed for Judy and I and her, and desires me, but is afraid that her real feelings will hurt the friendship she and Judy have, so she plays a cover-up game, and Judy does the same thing over different stuff....
But if Judy and Sarah shared one roof, even without me, they both would do better and be better, and if they let some tenderness and passion on physical terms flow when it wanted to and was proper, would be so much less stressed out in their lives. They really do compliment each other, and can fix each other in ways I even can't. But with me in the middle, loving them and giving them much of what they need out of a man, and being allowed to be a traditional strong handed man and father figure, they would both do so well they would eventually run circles around me.
I'm sorry but drama, problems, pills and shopping are not the root foundations of a healthy life. We need, all of us, so much more. besides, their way is NOT working for either one of them. They at least need to capitulate enough to just try my way for a while somewhere down the line. Once we get clear of this house Sarah just needs to come with us. Judy would like it if Sarah moved in, but she isn't a big fan of the relationships I want yet, and that is because she still sees with jealous and possessive eyes. thing is, my way, she gets to have a stronger bond and basis of a friendship with Sarah, and gets me happier and more motivated and complete, which means she gets me on better terms than she ever would otherwise, making our love stronger and more romantic. In one hour she will have been on the couch for 12 hours, or half a day. I want her to have a rewarding life where she sleeps maybe 8 hours and is so excited by living and doing that she can't wait to get up and start her day.
You can't lay around all day long and expect your body to work like it is supposed to. I have pain that I just work through, and the more I ignore it the less it actually bothers me. I have this added weight from depression and a change in life resulting from living with a couch person. I used to go dancing all the time. Now I am so driven down that I can't stand it.
So we all need to help and fix each other, and it is like a soapbox mantra, but it is the truth.
truths have a way of seeing light after a long night.
I DO NOT live like this! I refuse! I bitch about it and Judy gets an attitude that I complain, but what the hell! And she wonders why I have started to shut down more. I covered her slack for a long time, but they would create more of a mess than I was able to clean every day, and Judy, on the couch with a blind eye, let Alex tear up so much shit of mine it isn't funny, then she makes excuses for it!
Judy has the nerve to call Sarah lazy, which she is, and I know even I have become lazy, but only because it is frustrating to clean or fix something then have it trashed moments later.
I feel like I'm in Evan Almighty when he tries to shave the beard... he cuts whiskers away and as soon as he looks away for a second they're back.
And yesterday Judy mentioned to Steph that the men around here, meaning Chris and Wanda's Larry, are sick control freaks. She can't place me in that, because the only thing I do really bitch about is the things that should be done not getting done. I give a wide berth otherwise. In fact, I wish my wife was more outgoing and independent, as long as the shit that it is her responsibility to get done gets done, and not even all of it, just the basics..... I just want basics!
Try to find a man that would be happy for his wife to find her a boy toy or think it would be healthy if she had a passing fancy to experience it. As long as she remembers who she's married to, and is safe, there is a benefit there because you're not denying the one you love something they fantasize about, so with you they get to be free and fulfilled, instead of confined and restricted and "owned". Humans are not designed for monogamy, but we are possessive when we are insecure. We have to own and control everything around us out of fear, fix it into a stationary state, and get upset at change, when change is the very nature of all life.
This I do not understand. I can grasp it, but I can't see it as valid despite how I have tried to fit in and conform.
Western society is a matrix and web of restrictions and rules and false standards and as a result a society of too many laws, technical crimes, betrayals, and perversions. Loyalty and compassion and empathy are the real building blocks of a healthy society. It is frustrating, like living in an alien world, to believe in those things and live in this society and culture. truth and honor are not subjective concepts nor can they be applied in that manner.
So I am honest about how I feel and what I want, and at least Judy understand that. Sarah loves me, and likes the idea of one big bed for Judy and I and her, and desires me, but is afraid that her real feelings will hurt the friendship she and Judy have, so she plays a cover-up game, and Judy does the same thing over different stuff....
But if Judy and Sarah shared one roof, even without me, they both would do better and be better, and if they let some tenderness and passion on physical terms flow when it wanted to and was proper, would be so much less stressed out in their lives. They really do compliment each other, and can fix each other in ways I even can't. But with me in the middle, loving them and giving them much of what they need out of a man, and being allowed to be a traditional strong handed man and father figure, they would both do so well they would eventually run circles around me.
I'm sorry but drama, problems, pills and shopping are not the root foundations of a healthy life. We need, all of us, so much more. besides, their way is NOT working for either one of them. They at least need to capitulate enough to just try my way for a while somewhere down the line. Once we get clear of this house Sarah just needs to come with us. Judy would like it if Sarah moved in, but she isn't a big fan of the relationships I want yet, and that is because she still sees with jealous and possessive eyes. thing is, my way, she gets to have a stronger bond and basis of a friendship with Sarah, and gets me happier and more motivated and complete, which means she gets me on better terms than she ever would otherwise, making our love stronger and more romantic. In one hour she will have been on the couch for 12 hours, or half a day. I want her to have a rewarding life where she sleeps maybe 8 hours and is so excited by living and doing that she can't wait to get up and start her day.
You can't lay around all day long and expect your body to work like it is supposed to. I have pain that I just work through, and the more I ignore it the less it actually bothers me. I have this added weight from depression and a change in life resulting from living with a couch person. I used to go dancing all the time. Now I am so driven down that I can't stand it.
So we all need to help and fix each other, and it is like a soapbox mantra, but it is the truth.
truths have a way of seeing light after a long night.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
She just needs to come off of it....
I just woke up from a dream where Judy was wrapped around me from behind, and I could feel her tits and hair and pussy pressed up against me, and Sarah was in front of me, all of us legs entwined, and I could feel her pussy up against my leg, and I actually felt them as if it was real. I woke up from that dream with a boner pissed off it wasn't real. But it was in a farmhouse bedroom, at night, with a breeze coming in upon us, and a coolness like sweat drying after good sex. The dream felt natural because the love we could all share with each other is so natural, based on friendship above everything else. Sarah has some issues, and so does Judy, and so do I, but we can heal each other, inspire and motivate each other, and without a doubt the sex between us, especially all of us together, would be amazing.
Sarah I am stoned cold in love with. I'm in love with my wife, and love her still, but I love Sarah as well and want her with me and with us. In fact, loving Sarah has made my love for Judy even stronger.
All the drama and bullshit Sarah is going through stems from her worthless piece of shit of a husband, Chris. he is a liar, care more about video games and drugs than his own kids, and treats her like property or dirt. Those girls deserve better, and if Judy and I were her lover/companions we all would have a better life. Judy as it is doesn't do much housework, and runs her mouth complaining all the time, but when Sarah and her are together they really do motivate each other, but this, or anywhere with us, is where Sarah needs to be.
Sarah and I have had really good sex and that is when we both were not at our best, and Judy and I always have fairly decent or good, so in a relationship that includes sex we'd have better than most, and I wish Judy would explore that side with Sarah, because it would cement them more. And yes, in the middle of the night, when my thoughts run to them both naked and yielding, I can't help but put all this down. I can see and taste their pussys melting in my mouth, and in my hands. They both are quite alike in some ways and so different in others, that it all just fits, and I want them both together more than anything else.
How to get there I consider so many times a day it isn't funny, and there is a hard road ahead, but somehow we'll get through it all. I just need a decent break first.
Sarah I am stoned cold in love with. I'm in love with my wife, and love her still, but I love Sarah as well and want her with me and with us. In fact, loving Sarah has made my love for Judy even stronger.
All the drama and bullshit Sarah is going through stems from her worthless piece of shit of a husband, Chris. he is a liar, care more about video games and drugs than his own kids, and treats her like property or dirt. Those girls deserve better, and if Judy and I were her lover/companions we all would have a better life. Judy as it is doesn't do much housework, and runs her mouth complaining all the time, but when Sarah and her are together they really do motivate each other, but this, or anywhere with us, is where Sarah needs to be.
Sarah and I have had really good sex and that is when we both were not at our best, and Judy and I always have fairly decent or good, so in a relationship that includes sex we'd have better than most, and I wish Judy would explore that side with Sarah, because it would cement them more. And yes, in the middle of the night, when my thoughts run to them both naked and yielding, I can't help but put all this down. I can see and taste their pussys melting in my mouth, and in my hands. They both are quite alike in some ways and so different in others, that it all just fits, and I want them both together more than anything else.
How to get there I consider so many times a day it isn't funny, and there is a hard road ahead, but somehow we'll get through it all. I just need a decent break first.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I really feel for Sarah. DCF got called on them, and it is because she stays there with Chris under the rules he imposes and shit cast upon her by her evil stepmother that she has so much sadness and stress. Judy and I both just wish she would fight for her rights and what is right, but she is their doormat, and so makes stupid mistakes just to try to deal.
She needs out of there. Naturally I want her with us, and know where her living with us would lead, but apart from that, if it meant never seeing her again to know she gets away clean from Chris, that would even be worth it, because those beautiful little girls need away from him and them.
I can't wait to get some cases won and recover some damages from the years of shit I've endured, and when I do, I'll be able to create what I am talkuing about, but until then, she needs away from him, back to her dad or something, anything but him.
There just has to be some sort of change soon......
She needs out of there. Naturally I want her with us, and know where her living with us would lead, but apart from that, if it meant never seeing her again to know she gets away clean from Chris, that would even be worth it, because those beautiful little girls need away from him and them.
I can't wait to get some cases won and recover some damages from the years of shit I've endured, and when I do, I'll be able to create what I am talkuing about, but until then, she needs away from him, back to her dad or something, anything but him.
There just has to be some sort of change soon......
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Today wasn't bad. Sarah, Judy and I went to Dr. Day, so the junkie twins have pills now, and Sarah tried to get extra for Chris, and Judy and I are both pissed by that because Chris sucks, and I will be damned if her gets any, ever. But he gives her shit because he knows we'll help her out but not him. I was at the computer today and I made a crack about being God because I have control of the pills and Judy was in the kitchen and I whispered to Sarah that she said "Oh, God" kinda much when I went down on her and she shot me a bird, with a smirk letting me know I got that one, and kinda, I think, to let me know that yes, I got that one.
And tonight Judy actually allowed me to get a finger up her ass and masturbated for me while she sucked my dick. She is EXACTLY the kind of woman who would love to suck a dick while she gets fucked, and maybe even go all the way out for airtight. If I can reawaken the freaky whore that resides in all women in her maybe we can have that wild side stuff together. I love my wife, and don't want it all the time, but sometimes I'd love it, and a big part of the reason is I love seeing women, especially ones I love, go into a frenzy state.
Now if I could just get her to freak a little with Sarah, and that will take Sarah coming clean on how she feels for me, Judy and I together, and just asking to share me sometimes and join Judy and I, which is the terms I want any of it on anyway.
I want that level of honesty and erotic friendship with my wife as my partner. Things will be hard for a while, but if I can keep everything together until shit falls our way I think Sarah will come along with us. I know she wants to. I really believe Judy would let friendship go in that direction and include some passion, and would be just as fulfilled by it all if Sarah can just make the decision to get away from dickhead once and for all. She needs a stronger spine, and man they really do need to be a team and be the strength for each other where they are weak.
Like tonight would have been a perfect night to be with both, either together or with one first then the other, and I really do need two or three orgasms to sleep as well as I like. But I can feel in my mind's eye how sleeping, and I mean sleeping as in the thing you collapse into after sex, with both of them would be.
The seed of those ideas just might be growing in Judy, as I am sure they are in Sarah. The love I have with Sarah really does make the love I have for my wife stronger. I just wish they both could just get the words out there so they can be acted upon, and do so so honestly that it has to be tried.
I'm also wondering what is up with Amanda, and how close she is to dropping. Besides how well she would fit in as a fourth, or third wheel, I think she is way mature and has loads of sense, just lack experience. I also think she would do well to stick close to us, because there is loyal friendship that comes from Judy and I. despite Judy's many flaws that frustrate me and anger me to no end, she really is good hearted and decent. It isn't for lack of desire that things aren't how I want them, even from her. It is what I love most in her.
And tonight Judy actually allowed me to get a finger up her ass and masturbated for me while she sucked my dick. She is EXACTLY the kind of woman who would love to suck a dick while she gets fucked, and maybe even go all the way out for airtight. If I can reawaken the freaky whore that resides in all women in her maybe we can have that wild side stuff together. I love my wife, and don't want it all the time, but sometimes I'd love it, and a big part of the reason is I love seeing women, especially ones I love, go into a frenzy state.
Now if I could just get her to freak a little with Sarah, and that will take Sarah coming clean on how she feels for me, Judy and I together, and just asking to share me sometimes and join Judy and I, which is the terms I want any of it on anyway.
I want that level of honesty and erotic friendship with my wife as my partner. Things will be hard for a while, but if I can keep everything together until shit falls our way I think Sarah will come along with us. I know she wants to. I really believe Judy would let friendship go in that direction and include some passion, and would be just as fulfilled by it all if Sarah can just make the decision to get away from dickhead once and for all. She needs a stronger spine, and man they really do need to be a team and be the strength for each other where they are weak.
Like tonight would have been a perfect night to be with both, either together or with one first then the other, and I really do need two or three orgasms to sleep as well as I like. But I can feel in my mind's eye how sleeping, and I mean sleeping as in the thing you collapse into after sex, with both of them would be.
The seed of those ideas just might be growing in Judy, as I am sure they are in Sarah. The love I have with Sarah really does make the love I have for my wife stronger. I just wish they both could just get the words out there so they can be acted upon, and do so so honestly that it has to be tried.
I'm also wondering what is up with Amanda, and how close she is to dropping. Besides how well she would fit in as a fourth, or third wheel, I think she is way mature and has loads of sense, just lack experience. I also think she would do well to stick close to us, because there is loyal friendship that comes from Judy and I. despite Judy's many flaws that frustrate me and anger me to no end, she really is good hearted and decent. It isn't for lack of desire that things aren't how I want them, even from her. It is what I love most in her.
Monday, May 11, 2009
and here's the funny part.....
I wasn't really that happy today. Yeah it was Mother's Day, but Judy hasn't acted in a way lately much where I feel she deserved any special treatment. She has been leaving dirty dishes, dirty floors, unkept everything, and pumping out excuses right and left. I can work until I ache and am burnt red by the sun, and she does nothing to help much, and yes, she has behaved in ways that have fucked up Alex, and he sees it clearly.
I bitch about a lot, but I am justified in what I bitch about. I don't complain about what I am lacking or don't have that much, but about others not doing their part or even trying to do better.
And as for Sarah, Judy says she's taking the kids with her when she goes pill hunting, and I could kick her ass for that. Yes, she needs to grow a spine and leave Chris and stop putting up with shit, and like me it has hurt her over the years, but taking her kids with her, and still, at times, trying to get stuff for Chris when the selfish bastard abuses her and treats her like shit...
THAT is why I also want her as my and maybe our lover, so I can voice up and put a foot in her ass if she ever tries that stupid shit again.
And the funny part, Judy today bringing up Sarah, calling me fat as an attack, then saying Sarah thinks I'm nasty, but little does she know that Sarah completely got satisfied on the couch she parks her ass on all day long before that couch even made it to this house, and spent about 20 mins giving me really great head, and wrapped herself around me on it, and that she is in love with me, but keeps up that stupid front as a cover, when she really needs to come clean about things. Judy needs a lesson in humility, and until she learn how to be more humble she won't be what I want, just what I can put up with and sometimes enjoy when I can ignore the shitty parts that I just can't stand.
Sarah fits, but we both have to ignore how we feel and what we want because of how it all is, but if that shit was gone, there is no doubt. I know, and she does, and there is solace in that, but only so much, and poor Sarah, with a big heart and conscience and so fucked up from Chris and his mom, and not knowing anything different. She just isn't secure or brave enough, but one day she will be, and I hope when that day comes she lets that love loose, because what she can do as a companion would be great given the right man to bring it out in her. Judy could as well, but until she comes down off that high lazy horse, she won't be someone I respect, and you can't always keep loving someone even if you do love them when you don't respect them.
Irony abounds....
I bitch about a lot, but I am justified in what I bitch about. I don't complain about what I am lacking or don't have that much, but about others not doing their part or even trying to do better.
And as for Sarah, Judy says she's taking the kids with her when she goes pill hunting, and I could kick her ass for that. Yes, she needs to grow a spine and leave Chris and stop putting up with shit, and like me it has hurt her over the years, but taking her kids with her, and still, at times, trying to get stuff for Chris when the selfish bastard abuses her and treats her like shit...
THAT is why I also want her as my and maybe our lover, so I can voice up and put a foot in her ass if she ever tries that stupid shit again.
And the funny part, Judy today bringing up Sarah, calling me fat as an attack, then saying Sarah thinks I'm nasty, but little does she know that Sarah completely got satisfied on the couch she parks her ass on all day long before that couch even made it to this house, and spent about 20 mins giving me really great head, and wrapped herself around me on it, and that she is in love with me, but keeps up that stupid front as a cover, when she really needs to come clean about things. Judy needs a lesson in humility, and until she learn how to be more humble she won't be what I want, just what I can put up with and sometimes enjoy when I can ignore the shitty parts that I just can't stand.
Sarah fits, but we both have to ignore how we feel and what we want because of how it all is, but if that shit was gone, there is no doubt. I know, and she does, and there is solace in that, but only so much, and poor Sarah, with a big heart and conscience and so fucked up from Chris and his mom, and not knowing anything different. She just isn't secure or brave enough, but one day she will be, and I hope when that day comes she lets that love loose, because what she can do as a companion would be great given the right man to bring it out in her. Judy could as well, but until she comes down off that high lazy horse, she won't be someone I respect, and you can't always keep loving someone even if you do love them when you don't respect them.
Irony abounds....
Sunday, May 10, 2009
I asked Sarah earlier to tell me to my face that she didn't love me, and she couldn't do it, or if she regretted making love to me, and she couldn't, or that she doesn't want to make love to me again, or want me, and she won't. I can tell she is in love with me but she is afraid she'd hurt her friendship with Judy, and I think she needs to come clean about how she feels (not what we did and how great it was). If she told Judy how she feels about me and that she wants to share me and even that she has some attractions to Judy and would like to join us, I know Judy would accept it because she understands that about Sarah, and Judy thinks Sarah's main attraction is to her, that Sarah wants to sleep with her. Sarah want to be involved with us both, and would be with me if Judy and I weren't together, but since we are married she doesn't want to do anything to hurt our marriage and want it to be better. I want it to be better, and think if Sarah was part of our marriage it would be.
I know she doesn't like her Chris much anymore, thinks he's an asshole, and feels stuck because she has four girls and no means of escape. I think if Judy and I had a place that the girls could be with her with us that she'd jump on it in a heartbeat. I have had decent sex with her, because I was sick and she was zoned when we did, and it was still amazing, and I think that if I could have be intimate with them both without jealousy that these two beautiful and amazing women would shine. We all need friends and loves and companions and allies, and that's what we are to a degree now, but together we can make sure each other does better, so the matrix of it would just work. Besides, I think if I was the object of their love and sexual release that all of us would have more desire and reward and happiness. I can still taste Sarah like I can remember and taste the flavor of my wife. And I want, even more than the sex, to be naked with both of them curled up to me sleeping.
Sarah knows I love her, and she knows that she loves me, and knows I know that as well. Judy knows I love her still after all these years, and sleeping with Sarah and loving her reinforces and reminds me why I love my wife and why I stay through everything when I could be a bastard and take an easier path. Judy knows I love Sarah, but think Sarah loves but is not in love with me, and that is what Sarah needs to fess up to, and Sarah loves Judy, more as a friend, but if I was there would be quick to join us. It starts with Sarah admitting how she feels without admitting what we have already shared. She could tell her that she was interested in being with another man but wanted someone safe and someone she cares about but who won't be a problem or want commitments, and that she feels like I deserve that from them both, and Judy would surprise her, because she won't throw away the friendship over it, in fact, it would give them something else in common to share. And, honestly, if I have them both sharing me they can go play however and whenever they want, as long as I am never denied more than one day.
But that is twisted little me.....
But what to do.
I know she doesn't like her Chris much anymore, thinks he's an asshole, and feels stuck because she has four girls and no means of escape. I think if Judy and I had a place that the girls could be with her with us that she'd jump on it in a heartbeat. I have had decent sex with her, because I was sick and she was zoned when we did, and it was still amazing, and I think that if I could have be intimate with them both without jealousy that these two beautiful and amazing women would shine. We all need friends and loves and companions and allies, and that's what we are to a degree now, but together we can make sure each other does better, so the matrix of it would just work. Besides, I think if I was the object of their love and sexual release that all of us would have more desire and reward and happiness. I can still taste Sarah like I can remember and taste the flavor of my wife. And I want, even more than the sex, to be naked with both of them curled up to me sleeping.
Sarah knows I love her, and she knows that she loves me, and knows I know that as well. Judy knows I love her still after all these years, and sleeping with Sarah and loving her reinforces and reminds me why I love my wife and why I stay through everything when I could be a bastard and take an easier path. Judy knows I love Sarah, but think Sarah loves but is not in love with me, and that is what Sarah needs to fess up to, and Sarah loves Judy, more as a friend, but if I was there would be quick to join us. It starts with Sarah admitting how she feels without admitting what we have already shared. She could tell her that she was interested in being with another man but wanted someone safe and someone she cares about but who won't be a problem or want commitments, and that she feels like I deserve that from them both, and Judy would surprise her, because she won't throw away the friendship over it, in fact, it would give them something else in common to share. And, honestly, if I have them both sharing me they can go play however and whenever they want, as long as I am never denied more than one day.
But that is twisted little me.....
But what to do.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Still There
Judy and I are having better sex and more often, and that in part is due to my having made love to Sarah. She reminds me of what I love in my wife, and I'm in love with her independently of that as well. I really think Sarah would like us to be one big family and to share living and loving, and even though she sees Judy more like a sister, them being sister wives makes sense because they can work well together and cover each other's slack, and help each other with life in general. I'd love it if they were lovers a little as well independent of me. They love each other, so being intimate with each other would give them a connection aspect that would do them both wonders. We all fit together, and we all belong together. Chris is never going to treat her better or be what she needs a man to be for her girls, and Judy being there would make having four girls so much easier, that all of what I've been saying just makes sense.
And me, I'm so sexual I could make love to them both three times a day each and still want to go again. I had a passing thought that they'd have a conversation one day about my being horny and them both knowing it and debating who sleeps with me that night and making deals to keep me in check with sex or chores.
I'm ion love with my wife, and in love with Sarah, and even more in love with wanting them both to be my partners and us all sharing life and love somewhere away from this shit that is Jacksonville. Judy really isn't that jealous like Sarah thinks, she and I discuss women, how they look, and all, and Judy even can recognize what kind of woman I'd like just as much as I can tell if I could love a woman at first sight, or how she can sum up a guy in a glance and be 90% right. She knows I love Sarah and accepts it, and if Sarah was just flat out honest about how she feels about me and asked Judy if she'd share me I'd bet she give a quick yes because it would take some of the pressures off of her and I think she knows that when I am happy I'm up for giving more and better of myself in just about every aspect.
I could see Sarah opening up and just telling Judy that she loves her and loves their friendship and has to admit to her that she is attracted to me and loves me and would like to share me and have me every once in a while, and loves me for most of the same reasons Judy does, and I am pretty sure Judy would take a day or so to digest it and then work out some sort of Skot sharing arrangement and terms.
If Sarah said to Judy that she wanted for her and the girls to move in and to share me every once in a while, that she respected Judy and our marriage and their friendship so that Judy had the last word on when, where, and how we would be together, and that she agreed that I had some valid points about how and why we should all be together, Judy would be happy with it because I really believe Judy knows I'm right. She has no comebacks for the points I've made, and she knows that I'm going to feel like I feel no matter what. She thinks that Sarah doesn't want me because Sarah puts on a front that she's not interested, when with her zoned and a little sick and me sick we had amazing sex. I told Sarah today that if she and I made love with us both feeling good it would be amazing, and I know Sarah likes pussy maybe not as much as dick, but she likes it and Judy is sexy, and if they shared me there would be some erotic between them, more than likely with me being with them both to make it okay. It's like how I am about men. I don't want to sleep with a guy, but if there is a girl and a guy then letting loos a little can be great if you see it as three people making love together and not two men and a woman or two women and a man. Just as long as no one tries to put a dick in my ass I'm fine.
I think most girls feel that way about their asses as well. And Sarah and Judy both like being eaten with a finger or two on that Gspot. They are the same in so many ways and unique in ways that make things interesting and fresh, and what it brings out in me is a better me than I have been able to summon in a long time.
Besides, I love the idea of being a good male role model for the girls and Judy loves the girls as well. Sarah balances us and we balance her and there is a security in us all being together. Good and real friends, ones willing to accept each other for their humanity and shortcomings and love them anyway, are really, really rare, and I know in the depths of my soul that we all belong together more than I've known anything about any relationship I've ever had.
And it was funny today, Sarah came over when I was getting out of the bath and I was making jokes about a bathtub built for three and asked the girls when they last time they had a nice bath with a good man was. Sarah almost blushed, and I could see she remembered how nice that was. I wanted to do that with Judy as well, and also want them both in a bath with me. In fact, I want to have them both naked, feed them tasty snacks and make them mixed drinks, massage them and pamper them, then be their sex slave, together. I think Judy would like to watch me make love to Sarah, because I'd have to look at my wife and let her know how much more I'd love her for giving me what I want and feel I deserve.
And I think Sarah would like watching me with Judy, that she would get turned on by it and I think us three as one love would bring out the best in each of us, and give us the drive to be better to each other and ourselves. It has to start with Sarah and Judy opening up and talking, and with Sarah being honest with herself and Judy enough to just tell her how she feels, and Judy still never needs to know about Sarah and I already having been together, because it really wasn't a betrayal. We all have the right to step away from our lives and commitments when we have to to keep our sanity or be fulfilled by desire when we need that. That is why I think Judy needs a night with some young cute guy, to go relive a little of her wilder youth and remember that part of herself, so it can awaken and then she can access it and share it with me.
Judy is just too hung up, and Sarah and her are both depressed so much, that love freely flowing and relied upon shared by us three would fix those broken things we otherwise never will. It is like a fountain of strength and happiness that can we can find happiness in.
I'd even, after a time and if it looks permanent, to have a private ceremony between us three where Judy and I together add Sarah to our marriage. I don't want to be married to two women, I want my marriage with my wife to marry and include Sarah and our family to marry her family, which doesn't mean Chris, because you have to be there for real to be a father. To me, she is a single mom living with a sponging ex who abuses her and neglects his kids. I want to kick his ass.
And I'd love them both to find a level of sexuality and intimacy between them that isn't some perverted lesbian thing, but for us all to be more physical with each other on a level when touch is given for connection and healing and as an expression of the good feelings we have for each other. I don't want a dick sucked/pussy eaten priority sexuality between us, I want a romantic intimacy and companionship where sex is just as important and no more important than hugs or kisses hello or goodbye. I want it to be the comforting contact and sharing that I think it is meant to be.
Maybe I am a reincarnated Bonobo. Maybe the Hindus are right and that was in my past manifestation... But I would love to be the meat in their sandwich, and to see them start living and loving and allowing no restrictions on what we all share with each other. They don't need to see each other as sisters that way, or to think that it is part of some lesbian experience, but that they recognize what they feel for each other and just share the enjoyment of touch and sensations of intimacy that allow friendships to phase in and out of romantic and erotic fulfillment without it hurting their friendships, in fact making their friendships stronger because they have allowed themselves to express love in the most passionate and pleasurable way possible. I want the love between us all to be so binding that we all find real peace and rest by wanting to be touching each other as we sleep.
We all have our problems, and we all need to just team up and help each other being more concerned about each other than ourselves, in that way, with that same thing being reflected back, having not one but two people to rely upon and be there and give us love that is real and true.
It's funny, because the two of them together would also mean they could team up on me where I have to do more chores or work or be accountable for things, but even the negative aspects of that I welcome, because the challenges of it all will make me work harder to be better, and feel like there is some reward for all I do. I heard a song that fits how I feel, and applied to this aspect, if they both knew what was in my heart and mind I think they'd be overwhelmed by the love and understanding in both.
Artist: Justin Townes Earle
Song: Mama's Eyes
Album: Midnight at the Movies
I am my father's son
I've never known when to shut up
I ain't fooling no one
I am my father's son
we don't see eye to eye
and I'll be the first to admit Ive never tried
it sure hurts me, it should hurt sometime
we don't see eye to eye
I was a young man when
I went down the same road as my old man
I was younger then
now its three am and I'm standing in the kitchen
holding my last cigarette
strike a match and I see my reflection in the mirror in the hall
and I say to myself
I've got my mama's eyes
her long thin frame and her smile
and I still see wrong from right
cuz I've got my mama's eyes
yea I've got my mama's eyes
*************************************************
It fits except for the thin frame thing, and I have a different road than my father, but I do have many of his values about right and wrong and keeping it all inside and having to be strong and show no weakness. Well, they both can see when I'm hurt, tired, or weak, and they both get concerned and want to make it better for me, to mother me, and that is a wife thing, woman thing. I want to be that strong man that melts and gets healed by the women he loves, and provide and protect for them. I can't do it here anymore. I don't want trapped in some pointless labor job that will take me nowhere, and hate the people here, and with a new start I think we'd all be motivated to make it all work as it should. We'd need to isolate ourselves a little, until we got a functioning home, then I think life would be rewarding and full of happiness like none of us have ever known, and our kids would all do so much better as well.
But enough for now. Judy I love you, and Sarah I love you as well, but I love being a father and living in erotic and romantic tenderness and companionship, and think this is our best shot at living a dream. can you silly bitched hear me...
I love The Indigo Girls, and just heard Hammer and Nail on the radio....
clearing webs from the hovel
a blistered hand on the handle of a shovel
i've been digging too deep
i always do
i see my face on the surface
i look a lot like narcissus
a dark abyss of an emptiness
standing on the edge of a drowning blue
i look behind my ears for the green
and even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
i gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose
i had a lot of good intentions
sit around for fifty years
and then collect a pension
started seeing the road to hell
and just where it starts
but my life is more than a vision
the sweetest part is acting
after making a decision
started seeing the whole
as a sum of its parts
and i look behind my ears for the green
and even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose
my life is part of the global life
i'd found myself becoming more immobile
when i'd think a little girl in the world
can't do anything
a distant nation my community
and a street person my responsibility
if i have a care in the world
i have a gift to bring
i look behind my ears for the green
even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
i gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose
Bruce Springsteen:
Tomorrow Never Knows lyrics
Where the cold wind blows
Tomorrow never knows
Where your sweet smile goes
Tomorrow never knows
You and me we've been standing in my den
Waiting for that time to come
Where the green grass grows
Tomorrow never knows
In the field your long hair flows
Down by the tail end of the tracks
Beneath the water tower
I carried you on my back
Over the rusted spikes of that highway of steel
When no more thunder sounds
Where the time goes
Tomorrow never knows &
Where he who waits for the day's riches will be lost
In the whispery town
Where the river flows
Tomorrow Never Knows
If these two beautiful women could understand what I'm saying, in my words and in these lyrics, man life would be just so amazing......
And me, I'm so sexual I could make love to them both three times a day each and still want to go again. I had a passing thought that they'd have a conversation one day about my being horny and them both knowing it and debating who sleeps with me that night and making deals to keep me in check with sex or chores.
I'm ion love with my wife, and in love with Sarah, and even more in love with wanting them both to be my partners and us all sharing life and love somewhere away from this shit that is Jacksonville. Judy really isn't that jealous like Sarah thinks, she and I discuss women, how they look, and all, and Judy even can recognize what kind of woman I'd like just as much as I can tell if I could love a woman at first sight, or how she can sum up a guy in a glance and be 90% right. She knows I love Sarah and accepts it, and if Sarah was just flat out honest about how she feels about me and asked Judy if she'd share me I'd bet she give a quick yes because it would take some of the pressures off of her and I think she knows that when I am happy I'm up for giving more and better of myself in just about every aspect.
I could see Sarah opening up and just telling Judy that she loves her and loves their friendship and has to admit to her that she is attracted to me and loves me and would like to share me and have me every once in a while, and loves me for most of the same reasons Judy does, and I am pretty sure Judy would take a day or so to digest it and then work out some sort of Skot sharing arrangement and terms.
If Sarah said to Judy that she wanted for her and the girls to move in and to share me every once in a while, that she respected Judy and our marriage and their friendship so that Judy had the last word on when, where, and how we would be together, and that she agreed that I had some valid points about how and why we should all be together, Judy would be happy with it because I really believe Judy knows I'm right. She has no comebacks for the points I've made, and she knows that I'm going to feel like I feel no matter what. She thinks that Sarah doesn't want me because Sarah puts on a front that she's not interested, when with her zoned and a little sick and me sick we had amazing sex. I told Sarah today that if she and I made love with us both feeling good it would be amazing, and I know Sarah likes pussy maybe not as much as dick, but she likes it and Judy is sexy, and if they shared me there would be some erotic between them, more than likely with me being with them both to make it okay. It's like how I am about men. I don't want to sleep with a guy, but if there is a girl and a guy then letting loos a little can be great if you see it as three people making love together and not two men and a woman or two women and a man. Just as long as no one tries to put a dick in my ass I'm fine.
I think most girls feel that way about their asses as well. And Sarah and Judy both like being eaten with a finger or two on that Gspot. They are the same in so many ways and unique in ways that make things interesting and fresh, and what it brings out in me is a better me than I have been able to summon in a long time.
Besides, I love the idea of being a good male role model for the girls and Judy loves the girls as well. Sarah balances us and we balance her and there is a security in us all being together. Good and real friends, ones willing to accept each other for their humanity and shortcomings and love them anyway, are really, really rare, and I know in the depths of my soul that we all belong together more than I've known anything about any relationship I've ever had.
And it was funny today, Sarah came over when I was getting out of the bath and I was making jokes about a bathtub built for three and asked the girls when they last time they had a nice bath with a good man was. Sarah almost blushed, and I could see she remembered how nice that was. I wanted to do that with Judy as well, and also want them both in a bath with me. In fact, I want to have them both naked, feed them tasty snacks and make them mixed drinks, massage them and pamper them, then be their sex slave, together. I think Judy would like to watch me make love to Sarah, because I'd have to look at my wife and let her know how much more I'd love her for giving me what I want and feel I deserve.
And I think Sarah would like watching me with Judy, that she would get turned on by it and I think us three as one love would bring out the best in each of us, and give us the drive to be better to each other and ourselves. It has to start with Sarah and Judy opening up and talking, and with Sarah being honest with herself and Judy enough to just tell her how she feels, and Judy still never needs to know about Sarah and I already having been together, because it really wasn't a betrayal. We all have the right to step away from our lives and commitments when we have to to keep our sanity or be fulfilled by desire when we need that. That is why I think Judy needs a night with some young cute guy, to go relive a little of her wilder youth and remember that part of herself, so it can awaken and then she can access it and share it with me.
Judy is just too hung up, and Sarah and her are both depressed so much, that love freely flowing and relied upon shared by us three would fix those broken things we otherwise never will. It is like a fountain of strength and happiness that can we can find happiness in.
I'd even, after a time and if it looks permanent, to have a private ceremony between us three where Judy and I together add Sarah to our marriage. I don't want to be married to two women, I want my marriage with my wife to marry and include Sarah and our family to marry her family, which doesn't mean Chris, because you have to be there for real to be a father. To me, she is a single mom living with a sponging ex who abuses her and neglects his kids. I want to kick his ass.
And I'd love them both to find a level of sexuality and intimacy between them that isn't some perverted lesbian thing, but for us all to be more physical with each other on a level when touch is given for connection and healing and as an expression of the good feelings we have for each other. I don't want a dick sucked/pussy eaten priority sexuality between us, I want a romantic intimacy and companionship where sex is just as important and no more important than hugs or kisses hello or goodbye. I want it to be the comforting contact and sharing that I think it is meant to be.
Maybe I am a reincarnated Bonobo. Maybe the Hindus are right and that was in my past manifestation... But I would love to be the meat in their sandwich, and to see them start living and loving and allowing no restrictions on what we all share with each other. They don't need to see each other as sisters that way, or to think that it is part of some lesbian experience, but that they recognize what they feel for each other and just share the enjoyment of touch and sensations of intimacy that allow friendships to phase in and out of romantic and erotic fulfillment without it hurting their friendships, in fact making their friendships stronger because they have allowed themselves to express love in the most passionate and pleasurable way possible. I want the love between us all to be so binding that we all find real peace and rest by wanting to be touching each other as we sleep.
We all have our problems, and we all need to just team up and help each other being more concerned about each other than ourselves, in that way, with that same thing being reflected back, having not one but two people to rely upon and be there and give us love that is real and true.
It's funny, because the two of them together would also mean they could team up on me where I have to do more chores or work or be accountable for things, but even the negative aspects of that I welcome, because the challenges of it all will make me work harder to be better, and feel like there is some reward for all I do. I heard a song that fits how I feel, and applied to this aspect, if they both knew what was in my heart and mind I think they'd be overwhelmed by the love and understanding in both.
Artist: Justin Townes Earle
Song: Mama's Eyes
Album: Midnight at the Movies
I am my father's son
I've never known when to shut up
I ain't fooling no one
I am my father's son
we don't see eye to eye
and I'll be the first to admit Ive never tried
it sure hurts me, it should hurt sometime
we don't see eye to eye
I was a young man when
I went down the same road as my old man
I was younger then
now its three am and I'm standing in the kitchen
holding my last cigarette
strike a match and I see my reflection in the mirror in the hall
and I say to myself
I've got my mama's eyes
her long thin frame and her smile
and I still see wrong from right
cuz I've got my mama's eyes
yea I've got my mama's eyes
*************************************************
It fits except for the thin frame thing, and I have a different road than my father, but I do have many of his values about right and wrong and keeping it all inside and having to be strong and show no weakness. Well, they both can see when I'm hurt, tired, or weak, and they both get concerned and want to make it better for me, to mother me, and that is a wife thing, woman thing. I want to be that strong man that melts and gets healed by the women he loves, and provide and protect for them. I can't do it here anymore. I don't want trapped in some pointless labor job that will take me nowhere, and hate the people here, and with a new start I think we'd all be motivated to make it all work as it should. We'd need to isolate ourselves a little, until we got a functioning home, then I think life would be rewarding and full of happiness like none of us have ever known, and our kids would all do so much better as well.
But enough for now. Judy I love you, and Sarah I love you as well, but I love being a father and living in erotic and romantic tenderness and companionship, and think this is our best shot at living a dream. can you silly bitched hear me...
I love The Indigo Girls, and just heard Hammer and Nail on the radio....
clearing webs from the hovel
a blistered hand on the handle of a shovel
i've been digging too deep
i always do
i see my face on the surface
i look a lot like narcissus
a dark abyss of an emptiness
standing on the edge of a drowning blue
i look behind my ears for the green
and even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
i gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose
i had a lot of good intentions
sit around for fifty years
and then collect a pension
started seeing the road to hell
and just where it starts
but my life is more than a vision
the sweetest part is acting
after making a decision
started seeing the whole
as a sum of its parts
and i look behind my ears for the green
and even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose
my life is part of the global life
i'd found myself becoming more immobile
when i'd think a little girl in the world
can't do anything
a distant nation my community
and a street person my responsibility
if i have a care in the world
i have a gift to bring
i look behind my ears for the green
even my sweat smells clean
glare off the white hurts my eyes
i gotta get out of bed
get a hammer and a nail
learn how to use my hands
not just my head
i think myself in a jail
now i know a refuge never grows
from a chin in a hand
and a thoughtful pose
gotta tend the earth
if you want a rose
Bruce Springsteen:
Tomorrow Never Knows lyrics
Where the cold wind blows
Tomorrow never knows
Where your sweet smile goes
Tomorrow never knows
You and me we've been standing in my den
Waiting for that time to come
Where the green grass grows
Tomorrow never knows
In the field your long hair flows
Down by the tail end of the tracks
Beneath the water tower
I carried you on my back
Over the rusted spikes of that highway of steel
When no more thunder sounds
Where the time goes
Tomorrow never knows &
Where he who waits for the day's riches will be lost
In the whispery town
Where the river flows
Tomorrow Never Knows
If these two beautiful women could understand what I'm saying, in my words and in these lyrics, man life would be just so amazing......
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