How Soon Is Now

On the other site I just posted, and here are the thoughts that I keep a little more private than private...
I had the flash of the song How Soon Is Now by the Cure.... and it says something about being denied love by a loved, which is like keeping water from the parched or air from the gasping......
That song makes me also remember alternative clubs, all of that that went with it, including many beautiful women who have a real alternative streak. That makes me think of Amanda, and why I associate that with her, well, maybe I see what is best out of those experiences in her for some reason.
I'd love to be me exactly as I was in age and everything when that song was brand new and run into Amanda as she is right now at a club. That would be a great starting point for both of us and it would be great... and at least I have that thought and kinda know what could/would unfold.
Funny thing is Amanda may be inexperienced and making those mistakes, but when that passes she doesn't seem like she will have many of the problems thatr Judy and Sarah share, like pill addictions and depressions. She might have problems with substances and depression a little now, and I hope, if nothing else, that I can help guide her to a self-assured state where she discovers her power and can control those deamons that we all are subject to.
Now Sarah, stealing from Judy and I, pills gone, my wallet gone. She would deny it, but what other explaination is there? Things are gone and there was no one else here. Like Judy said, I misplace my wallet so much that she maybe thought that would cover it vanishing, and she needed money and pills from money so she, and asshole Chris, wouldn't go through withdrawals.
She gets desperate, and uses junkie tools to justify pill crazy moves and problems just like Judy does. They BOTH need off of pills and to learn to stand down pain and problems on their own again, and everything I've said about how well they would function under one roof sharing first life, then me, then each other, is more than valid. It is fact, but takes courage to recognize truth, like the truth that they can't manage pills or meds or their lives without a gatekeeper to the pills, which falls to me, because I am not addicted to anything other than romance and sex. But I can, and do, walk away from sex offers, I just gravitate towards where romance and tenderness sources, but only when I know my feelings are real and have a reason to love that person.
I can fix so much if the path I see and explain is just started down. I don't want to carry anyone unless I have to. But that path I set out has healing resources along the way, and it just takes a leap of faith to trust someone else's judgement.
It takes a re-evaluation by them of their values and beliefs, so they have to have an open mind and be willing to try life a different way. I don't know if they have the will or courage to take those steps. For Judy it means opening up her bed and heart to share her man with another woman, for Sarah it means walking away from Chris and that bad environment her girls and her are subjected to, and for both it means kicking pills so much, and not allowing pill drama to effect them or the kids. For Amanda it means trying out life as I expressed and taking the chance on something different, and her's would be more of a leap of faith in a way because we don't have as much of a history, it is mostly my sense of knowing about what would work and how. But she needs people around her who would help with her baby girl, be there for her as real friends, and to have a lover whom she can trust not to neglict or abuse her love. She needs romance and tenderness and wants that "sleep and cuddle with" like I do, and we would have more of a sexual friendship with aspects of romance. The dynamics of each relationship are such that each woman fits a part of what I need to be happy, and I fit what they need the most, and they would own that part of me, and if they can accept that each of them has their own special place but know that they have a sacred part that they are best at and for with me, it honestly would work.
We all want security as well, and I believe so much in freedom and individual rights that if either Sarah or Amanda was part of what I am trying to make as a life and wanted to set off in a new direction, they would have a great launch pad. They would have a great base to return to when they are weak. It just takes a totally new approach to life, a new way of thinking for everyone except me, because I know what it is I'm talking of, and have seen it work, been part of it working.
Judy, my self-proclaimed hippie, who is all hippie except the free love part. If she is or becomes a real partner in this mindset she would benefit most of all. Nailing Sarah, sharing what we did how we did, it was refreshing so much that my overall attitude is so much better, and Judy has been much happier because I have been so, and been so much more giving of myself and understanding. If she knew why I am easier to deal with and have some of that spark back she might attack it and think of it as an attack on her.... but it makes me work, sets me at my best, and like tonight, when I want round two and get shut down, or want a middle of the night thing, and instead have to shake it away alone, well, that hurts her because it creates in me frustration and resentment because a wife should take care of her man and his needs, period, at least half of the time.
I would be happy with a 1/10th of the time!
I like crazy love, being in love so much that the other person is everything, and when two people are like that with each other, it is amazing. Now if parts of that get to run with two or three women, wow! And if they find love beyond me and want to have that as well, good for them. I will be there to set them on their way if they decide that is their path and pick them up if it goes bad and they are hurt. people should be that honest and free. That way, real commitments made on honest terms get made, and are much more likely to be kept. That is the real loyalty of love.

This is a lyrics night... I guess. This is a song by Alejandro Escovedo, Springsteen even did a cover of it...

Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Do you wanna Be my friend?
Ooh, ooh
Do you wanna Be my friend?
Ooh, ooh

Every once in a while
Honey Let your love show
Every once in a while
Honey Let yourself show
Nobody gets hurt
No, no
Ooh, ooh
Nobody gets hurt

Well
We came here as two
We laid down as one
I don't care
If I'm not your only What I see in you
You see in me But if I be wrong
Smoke my smoke Drink my wine
Bury my snakeskin boots Somewhere I'll never find
Still be your lover baby

Oo, oo, oo

Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Do you wanna Be my friend?
Ooh ooh
Do you wanna Be my friend?
Ooh, ooh

Every once in a while
Honey Let yourself go
Every once in a while
Honey Let yourself show

Nobody gets hurt
No, no
Ooh ooh
Nobody gets hurt

Well I could be an astronaut On the wrong side of the moon
Or wrapped up like a baby On a bus under you
Wherever I go You go with me
But if I do you wrong Take the master suite
I'll take the floor Sleep in late
Get some rest I'll get mine
Still be Your lover baby

Oo, oo, oo

Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Wasn't I always A friend to you?

Every once in a while Honey
Let your love show
Every once in a while
Honey let yourself Go
Nobody gets hurt
It's only love Love, love
Oo, oo, oo

Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Wasn't I always A friend to you?
Wasn't I always A friend to you?

Ot has a great mindset. It say be happy for the love you are able to share, on whatever terms you can, and that I don't want to change or won you, just to share what we can...