John came over, and something was weird. Seems he stole from Amanda. The one person out of the bunch who is the least selfish most kind and caring and he violates. Amanda still is hung up on Josh but seems to be getting stronger.
Sarah left Chris for a few days, but stole more pills and my wallet is missing. She is fucked up from years of living with Chris and being subjected to her mother-in-law. But she hurt us by that crap. She is addicted as well, so I understand. Her guilt will punish her, because under it all she has a great heart.
I saw Amanda and she looks just so sexy now. She is 18 with most of the adult mindset of a 40 year old educated woman. I remember my dream and she had that same figure when we made love. I remember the dream, and I was eating her and her belly was about that big. Man that is a strange memory/flash/dejavu thing!
And Sarah and I finally did, down in OP. She was helping me paint Carmello's mom's house. I got her off really, really well, and she gives great head. She has a really small clit, but not a problem. I did my little trick of moving the foreskin around it down, and she hit the roof! I am her third guy, and the first she said didn't count because she started and stopped before either one of them came. She was just worried how it would effect Judy, but it is our little secret, and we both had just a moment of decent lovemaking without conditions or bags with someone who appreciates and loves us.
Yes, it would work and work well, because it makes me want my wife more and able to deal with the shit I endure with her. Her out of pills again. I control them now, period.
I don't want the job, but not doing it is too risky and just not worth it.
Amanda is back home, which is best at the moment for her unless she moves in here. It all needs to fall together the way I say in these two journals. I was smart to keep Amanda parts out of the other journal to the extent they are remembered here. They are distinct and unique anyway. I let Judy in on the other one, because total honesty in that degree means I am being more loyal than if I was out fucking everything that moved or came my way. Believe it or not but I get offers all the time. I just am highly selective to a degree, I don't want just sex, and with any one of these three it could never be "just sex". The emotional connection and companionship is what I crave out of each of them the most. Sex is just a deep expression of that.
And the other journal has the deepest secrets I am willing to share and might, but this one has almost the fullest extent. There are some thoughts I'd never write down in order to remember and catolog and sort out. These journals have allowed me the ability to reflect and figure out what it is I love and want and why. If I include how I feel about Amanda in that journal and ever share that with Sarah she might not understand why I feel about Amanda like I do, and think it is just lust or something. It is hard enough for most people to understand how you can love two women at once, let alone three. But I love the women I loved in the past just as much, and it is only time and circumstance that keeps that from being.
I think my views are a lot like what has come before in some very peaceful cultures, but humans want to own everything, including each other. Love should be the highest form and expression of freedom, and sex or romance in addition to even a committed relationship doesn't mean that you don't love your mate. It can enhance and heal and make you a better person for the person you choose as your primary mate. If you have nothing unfulfilled, you can give all of yourself honestly with nothing held back, and having a few private experiences just for yourself is something that should be more than allowed, it should be encouraged.
Everyone says if you love something set it free and it will return, but when you try to live that way you get attacked for it. It makes no sense.
I still have a fire for my wife, and when I don't get what I need from her I get frustrated and angry, so if someone else gives that to me when she can't or won't, then I will be at peace and strong enough to give her my best, which would make the relationship better and the bad parts easier to get through. I never want to be so hungry that I eat dirt, and I don't want to be a glutton either. I want to be well nourished and content, so I am happy and can give all of my best and love without any reservations...
I think that makes really good sense.