I just had a really passionate dream about Amanda. She was fat but skinny if that makes any sense. I had a dream the other night about something really dark happening. I don't know what it is, but something bad is going to happen, but even though it's close it feels like nothing can stop it and it isn't as close to me. I have learned to trust my DejaVu dreams. They usually come true. The dream of being with her is one dream I'd love to see come true, and if we had each other as an escape I think we would both have more strength and power within to face the shit we deal with. I see more of a real woman waiting to come out in her than I do in so many other women. I think I can make part of her blossom and she can make part of me be reborn. I have to hide most of how I feel about her from my other journal but in this most private one I can remind myself and express exactly how I feel. I am like so in love with her, and she would be such a partner and companion, and if it was possible to just set up house with her we would both be so happy just to be with each other that we wouldn't want to be apart for a second.
I can sense this from experience and what I feel and know. She is like me, and needs love and to be loved, because it does complete people like us. Most people use other people, but she is like me more than she knows, and it is why I love and understand her so well. She thinks she loves Josh, but she loves the idea of loving more and if she saw that she could get out of that sad excuse for a relationship. Josh is selfish and an emotional thief.
I swear I could even taste her.
I'm selective about who I would allow myself to fall in love with, and who I do. Amanda has walked away with what is best in her mom, but her mom could only ever be a friend. Her sister has some of it, but is weak and missing those elements of fire she has. And her view of the world and politics would exactly fit mine, perspective wise, in so many ways. She gets the things I believe in. I get her as well.
Sarah does to a degree, but it's a different thing going on there.
And I love my wife, but she needs to make changes and I am the sort of man that wants more than one woman and could easily allow my women more than one man. You can be with one person forever and ever and be so much less loyal than someone who swings. With Amanda I'd want that little bit of extra so much less, because she could fill more of my needs emotionally. Sarah might as well, and Judy the least that way.
Sarah is more like a package because her kids see me more like a father which her husband is not. Amanda seems like a mix of what is best and what I'm looking for in both Judy and Sarah, plus reminds me of Julie at times, and matches my belief pattern.
How do you show someone what you see so clearly?