What a grind everything is. Alex finding a new school....God help me! I don't know what I'm going to do about him at times, but I know I need him out of Jacksonville. I look at Sarah and her kids, and that story gets repeated everywhere. All these single moms dealing with needing a decent man and the kids needing a good father figure, so they wind up fucked up. And these Jacksonville raised girls, it is insane. They need men for the wrong reasons... Steph has some jerk who won't last, Dottie needs away from her return trips to her asshole, Diane needs away from Robert, and Amanda needs away from Josh before she's left with nothing but a kid and lost dreams and a broken heart, and Sarah needs away from Chris, especially before her girls wind up 14 and knocked like she was with Lacy. That's why I want that farm, because Sarah would wind up there no matter what she says about staying because there would be a better option, and Judy has to deal with me as I am, because she refuses to give me what I need.
There's something that makes me dream of and want Amanda, but Christ! She's 17! 17 going on 37 maybe with how smart she is, but am I a dirty old man for being 30 years older than her and 23 older than Sarah? I still feel exactly like I did when I was 17! I am basically the same guy in an older shell. I am more into new music than most of my younger peers, and am more forward thinking than anyone I know.
My friends range from 17 to 70, always have. I remember being 17 and hanging out drinking coffee and doing shots with a 80 year old boat wright master builder who taught me the art of painting and made me take more pride in my work than anyone over all my friends that were my age. I remember dating a girl who was 17 and a college professor who was 52 when I was 26. The 17 year old was more mature... so age really is relative I guess......
That being said, loving Amanda or Sarah in an expanded relationship would be wonderful, and if it honestly came down to Judy or either of them it would be a toss up with Sarah that Judy would maybe win, but I would run away with Amanda in a heartbeat. If it wasn't for Alex..... but once I lost the dead weight of this current "way things are" I can create what I want, and I need to lay it on the line to Judy, because this sloth, pill infested, bitch shit needs to stop. I am not a servant, I need to be a partner. Maybe I'm so attracted to Sarah because she's like Judy and not set completely in her ways, and Amanda because while she has gone through shit, she is still wide-eyed at the world, critical of what is bad in it, and would be a great partner in just so many ways I can't count.
Plus that she is sexy and looks and feels like she'd fit me beyond mentally and spiritually, she would be great sexually with me. I honestly believe I could hit every one of her buttons in bed.
Her current asshole, and Sarah's, don't deserve them..... I deserve to have a woman who has the ability and willingness to love on my level, and they could....
I just hope I can make a life that they look at and demand in on.
I want these women in my life, and I want Judy there fixed, but that is something she has to be willing and ready for.